Okay Kids, I know everyone and their mother (mine included) has been chomping at the bit to hear allll about my Washington DC trip. The truth is that I am finally getting out of the travel/heat fog this evening! I am a total loser, I know. :)
So, I found something out about DC. It's humid. We're talking more humid than any place I have ever been on this earth and I have been a few places... I thought I might die. That said, I have very few pictures of my trip because my brain malfunctioned and I didn't think to take any pictures. Basically I was just trying not to stroke out, so... sorry for the lack of documentation! I won't do it again! I promise.
I flew into Dulles around 8:30pm on Friday night. It's a confusing airport. It kind of reminded me of Frankfurt because of the shuttles from gate to the main building. It also smelled like fried clams. For reals.
We parked at a "Kiss & Ride" which is like a park and ride, but just sounds sweeter! I guess it's because Virginia Is For Lovers. ;-)
Thus began my love affair with the Metro. In all honesty, we spent the majority of our time riding the Metro and I cannot express how amazing it truly was.
The Metro tickets had freaking adorable pandas on them, for goodness sake!
The kiosks were intimidating, though. I was just staring at them wishing I was somewhere else that didn't have a bunch of numbers associated with it... Ohhh and the escalators that were actually working in the first station sounded like elephants having violent bush sex. At first I thought it was a drunken homeless person playing the sax for money, but nope... it was the escalators! We would soon grow to love them, as well.
There were constant conversations that were so bizarre and humorous between passengers that I was in heaven! There was even one time when we were caught between an uber gay teenager and his girl friend having a random convo about geometry and a non-underarm shaving preppy chick talking to someone about the UFO's coming every hundred years on her celly. It was so fabulous, I cannot even tell you. The highlight of the Metro on the first night was AssMan. Imagine a packed train where vertically challenged me had to stand on my tippy toes to hold onto a rail and a dude about 7 feet tall was standing directly in front of me. Now imagine the train pitching forward at every stop. Firstly, my face was located in AssMan's armpit. Secondly, his back was to me, so every time the train moved (or didn't) he felt it necessary to bend his rather round bootay into me. I was laughing so hard. I might have caught something, but it was still pretty funny.
The second night on the Metro had the best people watching of all! I give you... Goldilocks!
All I could look at were Goldi's hairless, pink little knees! I'm pretty sure he was just out on a Saturday night. Or we were being Punk'd. We kept saying how he/she looked like someone from TV. I thought maybe Kids In The Hall? Once I got home and showed Taylor, we both jogged each other's memories and yelled "KELLY!" at the same time. What do you think? Is shim, Shoes Kelly from the interwebs?
So, anyway after a long train ride to Dupont Cirlce and a long confusing trek up and down the streets of gang ridden Washington DC (just kidding Dad!) we found our hotel and I was soooo happy to get in a cold shower! Have I mentioned how hot and humid DC is? I looked like a wet ferret for the majority of our trip, yet another reason to not be so eager for the photo ops.
See those escalators that look as if they're set to deliver you to the pits of hell? Yeah, those were broken half the time. Hence, the reason I couldn't walk until today. The neighborhood was really cute.
This is the outside of our hotel... It was really cool with white Christmas lights swirling halfway up the tree trunks in the front at night. No picture, sorry. I suck.
And this is what our room looked like! I totally ganked these from the internet, so it's not totally the same room, but close enough!
Another cool thing about the hotel was that they provide these insanely gay bath robes for each guest. Too bad I didn't think to get pictures in them! What a tard!! Oh, wait... I do have a picture... This is the wet ferret straight out of the shower.
Sunday morning, while in the shower starving to death, I finally had the brilliant idea of eating in the hotel restaurant, Firefly. Like, duh. We'd been trying to find places to eat all weekend since the city closes at 10pm and didn't think to eat downstairs once! Heat. Humidity. Not good for Jess. The restaurant was greatness though. And since I have been called "Firefly" in the past, it was doubly cool. :)
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This is Washington DC in a nutshell:
We didn't actually get to see any of those landmarks because it was so hot, we were so tired and so lost. BUT we did go to the SAAM (Smithsonian American Art Museum)!
This was the only picture I took in the museum because it's just funny. And if you don't think so, you're not my friend.
There were grates all over the freaking sidewalks. It was a little scary... But I kinda want to be there in a skirt in the winter, so I can be Marilyn Monroe...
We went to lunch at a sammich shop and I saw the greatest sight in DC! Out of nowhere two cop cars and a black and a tan SUV parked in the middle of the in front of us and a bunch of suits piled out and rushed into a building across the street! SECRET SERVICE!!! I have no idea what they were doing and it kills me that I will never know... But it was cool, and again, I wish I had taken a picture or something! Jeez!
I guess I will just have to go back in the winter!
These people scare me...
Big Tex scares me.
Spot the alien goat. He will eat your face.
Fair food is...gross. Fried Cheese Curds? Seriously?
What, exactly, makes a banana crazy? And how can I get one?
Allie knows how to do fair food. In style. Rock that Corny Dog, Toddler!
And what is the fair without sand sculpture. The fair is so weird.
Carousels, however, are amazing...
Goodnight Dallas!
I turned the dreaded 30 on August 21st and had a crazy bash at the Nylo (a boutique hotel in Plano) to celebrate!
A portion of the Original Plano Gangstas... Or something like that.
Crystal is not a Plano Gangsta, but I like this picture, so it stays! 
...we retired to the room upstairs for some amazing(ly silly) photo ops. These are just from my camera. I think there were a total of three snapping away at our ridiculousness in the room...but only the stupidest ones of me & Michelle made it to this page for your enjoyment since we share the type of bond after being BFFs for an insane amount of time! I will leave it to you, dear reader, to caption.
What happened after this was me making my brother take me to the Taco Bell drive-thru for a bean burrito since I hadn't eaten anything all night. Oops! And then I think we watch TV in the room and he bailed as soon as he could. Thanks Tay!
Fin.
Thus began my love affair with the Metro. In all honesty, we spent the majority of our time riding the Metro and I cannot express how amazing it truly was.
The kiosks were intimidating, though. I was just staring at them wishing I was somewhere else that didn't have a bunch of numbers associated with it... Ohhh and the escalators that were actually working in the first station sounded like elephants having violent bush sex. At first I thought it was a drunken homeless person playing the sax for money, but nope... it was the escalators! We would soon grow to love them, as well.
There were constant conversations that were so bizarre and humorous between passengers that I was in heaven! There was even one time when we were caught between an uber gay teenager and his girl friend having a random convo about geometry and a non-underarm shaving preppy chick talking to someone about the UFO's coming every hundred years on her celly. It was so fabulous, I cannot even tell you. The highlight of the Metro on the first night was AssMan. Imagine a packed train where vertically challenged me had to stand on my tippy toes to hold onto a rail and a dude about 7 feet tall was standing directly in front of me. Now imagine the train pitching forward at every stop. Firstly, my face was located in AssMan's armpit. Secondly, his back was to me, so every time the train moved (or didn't) he felt it necessary to bend his rather round bootay into me. I was laughing so hard. I might have caught something, but it was still pretty funny.
All I could look at were Goldi's hairless, pink little knees! I'm pretty sure he was just out on a Saturday night. Or we were being Punk'd. We kept saying how he/she looked like someone from TV. I thought maybe Kids In The Hall? Once I got home and showed Taylor, we both jogged each other's memories and yelled "KELLY!" at the same time. What do you think? Is shim, Shoes Kelly from the interwebs?
So, anyway after a long train ride to Dupont Cirlce and a long confusing trek up and down the streets of gang ridden Washington DC (just kidding Dad!) we found our hotel and I was soooo happy to get in a cold shower! Have I mentioned how hot and humid DC is? I looked like a wet ferret for the majority of our trip, yet another reason to not be so eager for the photo ops.
See those escalators that look as if they're set to deliver you to the pits of hell? Yeah, those were broken half the time. Hence, the reason I couldn't walk until today. The neighborhood was really cute. 
This is the outside of our hotel... It was really cool with white Christmas lights swirling halfway up the tree trunks in the front at night. No picture, sorry. I suck.
And this is what our room looked like! I totally ganked these from the internet, so it's not totally the same room, but close enough!
Another cool thing about the hotel was that they provide these insanely gay bath robes for each guest. Too bad I didn't think to get pictures in them! What a tard!! Oh, wait... I do have a picture... This is the wet ferret straight out of the shower.
We didn't actually get to see any of those landmarks because it was so hot, we were so tired and so lost. BUT we did go to the SAAM (Smithsonian American Art Museum)!
This was the only picture I took in the museum because it's just funny. And if you don't think so, you're not my friend.
There were grates all over the freaking sidewalks. It was a little scary... But I kinda want to be there in a skirt in the winter, so I can be Marilyn Monroe...
We went to lunch at a sammich shop and I saw the greatest sight in DC! Out of nowhere two cop cars and a black and a tan SUV parked in the middle of the in front of us and a bunch of suits piled out and rushed into a building across the street! SECRET SERVICE!!! I have no idea what they were doing and it kills me that I will never know... But it was cool, and again, I wish I had taken a picture or something! Jeez!
I guess I will just have to go back in the winter!
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