So Jessica

Guess Who's Back? Back Again.

2010-04-09T18:31:00.025-05:00

It's story time, kids! Grab a coffee and a Slanket.

So, I got a call from one of my recruiters at the beginning of the week while my mom was in town visiting. Super Nice Recruiter Lady had this job that just reopened, it was waaay lower than I could live on salary-wise. But she thought of me anyway since it was a great position with a great company. Even though I had two prospects on the line for more than what I needed to live off of financially, I gave her the green light to submit my resume to this company because they are That Rad. Less than 12 hours later I get a phone call that they'd like to do a phone interview in a matter of hours and then if they liked me they wanted to do an in person interview within the hour following. Whaaa??? Okay.

I had the phone interview with the Coolest Sounding Potential Co-Worker and they decided that they had to meet me immediately because I am sooooo awesome. Or they wanted to make sure I didn't have two heads. And the way I can talk for hours on end about nothing in particular, I am assuming it was the latter. I plopped my mom in the car and told her to bring a book because I might be in the interview for half an hour or so. TWO HOURS LATER (sorry Mom!)... I am out of a fantastic interview with the Most Awesome Potential Boss Lady and collected this during my stay:Wednesday morning I get a call from my recruiter saying they loved me, but could I do another phone interview that day? Seriously? I was on my way out the door to drop my mom off at the airport (boo, I miss my mommy) and I told her it would have to be sometime in the afternoon. The phone interview with team member #3 was set up for the afternoon and she was just as delightful as the previous people I had spoken with! Everything was going great... except for the salary issue which was weighing heavily in the air. I'm not proud. I'm not (completely) snobby. I just need enough to support my dog and myself and what was offered was not cutting it. Not by a long shot. So I was stressing out. If you know me well, when I stress it's because it's major. And it isn't pretty.

A few hours after interview #3 I get word that they want me to come in to the office the next morning for interview #4. FOUR interviews. I am not interviewing for the CEO position, mind you. Not even for the VP of Jack Assery (which I would totally rock at). So, this was major. Major in the sense of wtf?? But more major in the sense of wow, they are really serious and they really must like me, but maybe they aren't sure if they like me because they keep having to have other team members take a look at me and omg what if they are on the fence now because I am stressing out so much that I have Pimple Fest 2010 staking tents into the ground that is MY FACE!!! Agggghhhhh!!!! The STRESSSS!!!!!!

So, I put forth a brave facade, didn't sleep at all the night before and drove the 45 minute rush hour commute to the office for My Most Daunting Interview Yet. For I was to meet with the boss' boss. Mr. Button Down. Mr. Proper. Mr. I Might Poop My Pants Because He Sounds Really Tough.

Two and a HALF hours later, not only have I collected this, (note the important title change, please. also note the rip after interview #4. it was the stress.):...but I have met with Mr. Scary Boss Man. And he's Completely Awesome. Firstly, he came in, shook my hand and then offered me a bottle of Purell since he had a cold. How endearing is that?! Secondly, he's British. I'm in. I'm easily swayed. Thirdly, NOT scary. NOT mean! We had a very pleasant conversation, discussed London a bit and I cannot wait to work with him. That said, I was extremely chuffed (look it up) to have put on an extra layer of antiperspirant that morning.

A few hours came and went and then I got the call. My recruiter said they love me! They really love me!! I got the offer. I was on cloud nine and soaring through the moonlit night! Okay, it was still daytime, but it just doesn't pack the same punch. But then there was that pesky salary issue. Oh God. Oh no, please God, don't get me this far and then yank it away before it even begins! My recruiter informed me that she would ask Company M (like you don't know who it is anyway, I didn't blur it out that well on purpose) to resubmit their contract at a higher rate, but if that failed she'd have to go to her higher ups and see if they would be willing to take a pretty massive cut off my contract in order to get me to where I need to be. This would more than likely put them in the negative range and that just wouldn't happen, so... I waited. And waited. Then she called me and said that the Company was at the top of their budget for the position and couldn't revise the contract order. Crap. Balls of Flaming Crap.

So, now it was up to the recruiting firm. Another 12 hours and 3 zits later, I get a phone call from the recruiter. This morning actually. As I was still in the sleep haze that is me until roughly 4pm. "Hi... It's Nice Recruiter Lady." Uh oh. She sounds pretty unenthusiastic. "I just wanted to let you know that I talked to Company M and... [static! massive amounts of static!] ...so really it's just a technical thing right now, but I just wanted to let you know...[ssscccrrrrr...scccchhhhrrrrr... what the EFF, T-Mobile!!! C'MON!!!!!!] ...so do you still want to accept their offer?" OMG OMG OMG WHAT?! Are they not able to raise the salary to livable standards?? I am FREAKING OUT!!

Me: "Um, wait." "Did you say that you were unable to raise the salary on your end?"

Nice Recruiter Lady: "Oh no, I was saying that I spoke with Company M first thing this morning and she said if they had to raise the salary they would do it because they didn't want to lose you."

Me: HOLY. LORD. "Oh, wonderful. Then yes, I absolutely accept their offer and I look forward to working with them." Smooth. As. Silk. But inside I was feeling like a teenager on prom night.

And then I did this. Please excuse my appearance first thing in the morning.And then there was a lot of jumping, dancing, motion too fast to be seen by the naked eye. Oh, and best feeling ever: canceling job alert emails and deactivating my job board profiles that have been active for over a year. :-)

Montage.

2010-03-16T22:33:00.009-05:00

My day in pictures. And words. But mostly pictures because they are way more interesting. Look, Mom. I'm smiling and relaxed pre-interviews!Instead of the usual...Can't help it. I blame the scarf.

And then I had to ride... the bus. One of the recruiters I met with today told me that parking is minimal at best downtown and will cost a minimum of $20. She lives in my area and told me to take the bus. I was like, "OKAY! Yeah! I can totally take the bus! No problem!" And then I pooped my pants.Okay, not my pants. But I was stressed to a whole other degree. Back to back interviews with two different recruiters? No prob! Riding the bus? ohmygod.I did it! I even used my transfer that I had no idea I had! I thought it was a "bus ticket". But at least I realized what it was a block from my stop and I put my $2 away and pulled the cord! So I pulled the cord one stop too soon, shuddup. At least someone else got off there and then I pulled the cord again at the correct stop. No harm, no foul, right????Not so fast on the glee. I found myself faced with the Recycling Tower of Doom as soon as I walked in the front door.Eh. I braided my hair instead.And then I made taco salad for dinner!!The. End.

Valentine's Day.

2010-02-14T16:18:00.008-06:00

So, this year I decided to do a post of Valentine's Day colors. Not necessarily hearts and cupids, but more along the lines of reds and hot pinks. I like hot pink.

Mmmm... cozy pyjamas.I think these are birds on my shirt today. All that matters is that it has thumb holes!Red spatulas are where it's at. Or whatever. They're not mine.
One of my staples in life.
They were giving these out at my friend's health club, so of course I grabbed one. Who actually reads this crap??
Pink. Sugar. Because they don't make a Super Hot Pink Sugar. I'll take what I can get.
Not. Mine. Naturally.

This is mine, however. And I love it.
Thanks, Dad.

Love.

2010-02-12T12:06:00.009-06:00

Just a few of the things I love...

Flip flops.
The internet.
Rain.
Nice people.
Candles.
Dogs.
Good sushi.
Pyjama pants.
British things.
Christmas.
The Ocean.
LOST.
Boy shorts.
The laughter of friends.
Espresso.
Lavender flavored candy.
Bookstores.
Unexpected Snow.
Loyalty.
My family.
Overseas vacations.
Hot baths.
Pink hair.
The Travelocity gnome.

As inspired by The Pioneer Woman's post today.

I Totally Had Something To Say.

2010-01-29T04:39:00.003-06:00

But I lost it. Was it about getting shampoo in my eye? Was it about my brain not shutting off tonight? Was it about my dog's ever-exploding anal glands?

Maybe it was about... I have no idea. It was probably about getting old and forgetting what I was going to say. :-)

To. Do. List.

2010-01-23T14:58:00.009-06:00

So, you wanna see what's on my To Do List? Some of these things have been on here for quite a while and the list is in no way shape or form prioritized ('cause that would be boring).

Throw every pair of flip flops that I own into a bleach/detergent wash in the washing machine. I own about 50 pairs of flip flops. And I refuse to pack them into moving boxes until they are disinfected, especially the pair I wore in Spain that had horse pee on them.
Regular, every day laundry.
Repack boxes that Charlotte the rabbit decided to chew through.
Repack all other boxes that look shifty.
Figure out a non-creepy way to sell some large, random items that I don't want to move. And by non-creepy, I mean I don't want creepus people showing up at my house to look at my mountain bike or my drawers. Chest of drawers. Note: I don't want creepus people showing up to look at my chest, either. Unless they are hot.
Make poutine and eat it.
Watch the following rented movies: Julie & Julia and My Life In Ruins with my mom.
Determine if I really want to give in to my mom's request to watch The Hangover with me. There are soooo many reasons why she should NEVER watch that movie, but then again there are sooooo many reasons that she should!
Dye my blonde roots. Darker = better. Plus, it fools people. And makes my blue eyes pop!
Pluck my blonde eyebrows.
Figure out where I am going to be in the next few weeks, let alone the next few years, at least!
Try not to turn to drink.
Puppies & Rainbows & Kittehs. Sometimes I just need motivating words to get me through the day.
Read every book that my local friends have lent me before I head West. Shouldn't take long - some of that shit is skimmable. But not yours, if you're reading this! YOURS will be read thoroughly!
Go eat at both of my new favorite restaurants Spiral Diner and Aki Sushi at least once more before I skip town. With friends. Duh.
Have another going away get together at my favorite pub, the Holy Grail. Because I want to.
Have the heel tips replaced on my Italian boots. It's only been two years since I have worn them. Like I said, a lot of things have been on my To Do List for a while...
Learn how to make Dolmas and sushi rolls. But not at the same time.
Relearn all of the French I have forgotten. All I remember are words like "merde" and "mon dieu". And the phrase: Ferme la bouche! S'il vous plait.
Penmanship. Grammar. Smiles.

If anyone wants to help me cross a few of these off, I'm open to it! Anyone?

It's A Sad Day, Indeed.

2010-01-22T23:28:00.000-06:00

No Conan = Stupid. Good job, NBC. I'll follow you wherever you may go. But I won't stalk you. Promise. You too, Andy.

Ornamentals.

2009-12-22T22:08:00.004-06:00

Word. This dated gem represents my birth.
My little brother has a more updated version. And yes, I *am* wearing an Atari shirt. How nice of you to notice!So, every year I try to give everyone a new ornament tied to one of their gifts. My Swedish grandmother started this tradition when I was young and ever since she passed away years ago, I have followed in her footsteps. This year I broke the tradition 'cause let's face it. No one has extra monies for add-ons, especially not the unemployed. Next year will be different! ;-)

Here are a few from over the years...I must've made this one with my grandma because I recognize her handwriting! I also know that we have at least three of these bad boys floating around in the ornament boxes. It's like I made one in every preschool class or Sunday school class I was in. God Bless the googly-eyed clothespin reindeer.I gave these to my parents a few years ago:My mom also has a thing for elephants. These are a few I have gotten her over the years. I like how the orange one looks pissed off.And of course, a few more favorite hand-painted wooden ones that my mom did, circa 1970-something to round out this post!

Christmas...

2009-12-19T00:06:00.017-06:00

...is finally up! My family's tree is a little different from mine.

Mine:
Family's:
The fam's tree holds lots and lots of memories. The smattering of ornaments span from every year since I was born, maybe even since my parents were married almost 35 years ago.
A few years before I was born my mom decided to paint a bazillion wooden ornaments in true 70s style. I remember looking at them and choosing my favorite ones when I was growing up. I still make sure my favorites are represented on the tree. There are always newer additions mixed with older ornaments to provide that special kind of flair.Can we get a close up of that hot pink ornament with silver glitter polka dots, please?Everyone knows how I adore hot pink! And what's a McClure Family Christmas without someone sticking Hippo in the tree?
Or a personalized mailbox ornament.

Happy Hanukkah!

2009-12-11T18:28:00.011-06:00

Yep. I celebrate the Festival of Lights. Not with gifts, but by lighting the menorah, spinning the dreidel and maybe dishing out a few latkes over the next 8 days. Why, you ask? Well, ever since we found out we have Jewish lineage, of course!Once the discovery was made in the family tree, it suddenly explained so much. About my mother. But that's a whole other blog post. :-)I was feeling generous, and since someone other than me was actually interested in lighting the menorah tonight, I let the crazy Jew, I mean my wonderful mother light the first candle.So, yes. We still celebrate Christmas since our religion is decidedly Non-Denominational Christian, but I like to honor our new found heritage with a little light eight nights a year.

And, P.S. I love my crazy-insane Jewish mother. I'm pretty sure she's where I get my spunk.

I Thought...

2009-12-05T00:17:00.003-06:00

...and that was my first mistake. I thought things were supposed to be easier when you became an adult. Easier to get through hard times. Easier to figure things out. Just. Easier.

I was sorely mistaken.

At least it isn't hot outside. That's a plus.

I'm ALIVE!

2009-12-02T14:37:00.017-06:00

Well, I almost made it blogging all 30 days of November. Stupid head cold. Not to mention I was uber busy with the BFF's Most Awesome Baby Shower Ever. Blog to be posted on that in a day or twelve. The big news of the day in Dallas is... IT SNOWED!! This is tres exciting for many reasons:

It hardly EVER snows here. We usually get a "wintry mix" a few times in January or February which is a lame term for rain+snow. OR the deadly, much lamer ice storms which results in the city being covered in sheets of ice and every retard with 4 wheel drive thinking it suddenly gives them traction. On ICE. Then they proceed to drive like asshats on all of the roads and end up smashing into other people. So. Dumb.
It wasn't a for sure in the forecast, so it was a BIG surprise upon awakening this morning! Last night, the news said there was a chance of light snow mixed with rain... maybe. And every time they say that, it results in a big, fat nothing. So we were all pretty much surprised this morning when there were actual FLAKES and accumulation on the grass! Yaaaaay!
It's barely December and the white stuff fell on The Big D. I might be wrong, but I don't remember a snowfall of any size this early in the season in the 11 years I have lived here. Like I said, I might be wrong...

Anyway, DFW freaks out when it rains, so snow made everyone rush to their Twitter/Facebook/Tumblr./MySpace (do people still use MySpace?) accounts to post something like "OMG!! SNOWWWWWW!!" and thus a landslide of "In Texas??", "You suck!!", and "REALLY?!" all came to fruition.

It was like a snowstorm hit the social networking sites. It was great. :-)
Snow Dog.
Moments later - Cold, Wuss Dog.

Still In A Coma.

2009-11-27T22:41:00.002-06:00

That's all.
Well, and that fresh whipped cream is the way to go.
Now that's all.

I'm In A Tofurky Coma.

2009-11-26T23:38:00.008-06:00

So, all I have for you are "how to make a super easy cranberry sauce" pictures. I apologize. Orange zest and sugar. Zest me, baby. Add cranberries (zah-hahm-bee, zah-hahm-bee-eh-eh-eh-eh ohh-oh-ohh-oh-ohh-oh. sorry.) and a cup of water. Chop and add walnuts or pecans. Admire your handiwork for a moment... Ooooh, pretty! Boil for a few to let the flavors marry and let cool before putting into containers and storing in fridge to set. Voila! Oh, and then whip up some pumpkin dessert and rolls just because you have all of that free time. P.S. If you didn't get the cranberries/zombie reference, you're not cool enough to be my friend.

P.P.S. I grabbed a super long strand of pearls on my way out the door this morning, looped them around my neck twice and then secured the mess with a brooch. It threw rainbows all over the car on the trip to family time every time it caught the sun. Check it out!
Prism rainbows on my face! Prism rainbows on my face!
Word?

It Really Doesn't Take Much.

2009-11-25T23:43:00.004-06:00

Oh goodness. I'm pretty excited. Thanksgiving is going to ROCK for me this year! Last year I didn't buy this since I was freshly laid off and didn't want to spend money on gas, let alone non-essential nourishment. This year, however, Whole Paycheck decided to put this gem of a feast on sale for $16.99. That's $9 off the regular price! I mean, how could I pass this up?? Instead of having to eat a cream cheese and chive taquito from 7-Eleven whilst watching my family devour leftovers, I will be having day after day of delicious, scrumptious, amazing amazingness that is... the Tofurky Vegetarian Feast!!
Behold. Excalibur!
Look at that beautiful Apricot Sesame Soy glaze! Oh, baby!
Along with the "Giblet" Gravy and Cranberry and Apple Dumplings, they give us... Tofurky Jurky Wishstix! It's in place of the wishbone so you can still make your wish with someone. How thoughtful is that? Sigh... :-)

It Doesn't Take Much.

2009-11-24T21:09:00.009-06:00

This makes me giggle.
So does this.
And this.
This one does, too.
And especially this one.
Um... Okay... Right? Allow me to fill you in. You see, I grew up in a nice, Christian household. Went to a nice, Christian private school. Went to a nice, Christian church on Sundays (sometimes Wednesdays, too). And have very nice, Christian parents. Parents who didn't want me to say words like butt or fart.

That said, they made up nicer sounding words to take their place. Butt became derriere, pee became "water come out" (I am not kidding you), poop became mess (As in, dude, I need to go make a mess. Be right back.), etc etc etc. Well, neither toot, poot, or fluffy were nice enough for them, so they deemed the chosen word to be... Sparkle. As in, I just sparkled and it smells like roses. Such as, Come back here, Sparkle Pants!

Sparkle. And to this day, at 31 years of age, I still giggle like a dork every time I hear and/or see the word. Thanks Mom & Dad.

This one's funny because it looks like they're sparkling. You're welcome. ;-)

Tonight, I Am Lame.

2009-11-23T21:43:00.005-06:00

Since I am uber tired tonight, I give you this simple post. Really, it's more grodie to the max than simple.

I got this email to join some social networking site (ugh, like there needs to be another?!) and these are the people they are trying to entice me with. Really??REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Nothing entices me more than a bear on the phone flashing armpit. Gawd, armpits are so gross.

Pomegranates And Pubs.

2009-11-22T02:37:00.007-06:00

Good LORD the bff brought me the best pomegranate from her tree in NoCal! I mean, LOOK at it! Have MERCY! It's so gorgeous, it made my nail polish chip! {please ignore that}

What says winter better than a pomegranate? Look at the rich holiday color...

The juiciness...

The pop!

And then. There was this.
Which involved this.
And in turn, equaled this. Except it was dark. I took this yesterday. Forgive me.

Ohhh, Maybe I'll Move To Chicago!

2009-11-21T23:38:00.009-06:00

So, tonight I tried Chicago deep dish pizza for the first time. It was pretty delish. I have to say that I am still a NY style, thin crust, light sauce, extra cheese fan, but deep dish was like an entirely different meal. I don't know if I can even call it pizza, check it out:
Ohh, look! A rainbow umbrella outside! Too bad it was cold. Nothing says Unicorns like rainbows.But really the excitement was not the pie, but in waiting for dinner to come to our table. You see, I sat next to my little friend Allie. Allie is almost four. We were in a very deep discussion about her Nana's dog, Britches. I had to interject.

"You mean to tell me that your Nana's dog is named Pants??"

"TEEHEEHEEHEHEHEHEE!!!! YES!! PANTS! WANT SOME CHEESE?"

"No. Thank you."

Five minutes later, "Jessica! I love you." Smooch on the shoulder.

"Awww, I love you, too Allie." Smooch on the head.

"I LOVE YOU MORE THAN... PANTS-CHEESE!!!!!!!!!" And then it was over. How can the adults at the table possibly go on for the rest of the night without 706 more references to Pants-Cheese?

And then a few of us got felt up under the table.

Oh-Ayech. EYE-OH!

2009-11-20T19:58:00.009-06:00

Yep, that's one of Ohio's finest People Of Walmart. And yes, during this insanely long bout of unemployment, I have even been considering looking in places like Ohio. Why? Because Ohio sounds funny. I just can't do gassy classy though. P.S. this blog's title was me attempting to spell Ohio. How the heck do you spell the letter "H"?

I've also considered moving to Minnesota for the following reasons:

It snows there.
I'm 1/4 Swedish, so I'd be amongst my people.
I watched New Girl In Town and think maybe I need to live in a small town filled with people who have funny accents and bake casseroles for you. Not to mention try to set you up with Harry Connick, Jr.

I have a bunch of places I wouldn't mind living. San Jose/San Francisco (the BFF lives there), anywhere on the East Coast (never been. want to.). Canada. I love Canada. There's ice hockey, poutine, free health care, friendly people, food labels en francais, clean air (for the most part), and uber cool temps. Not a bad place even if it has a few hosers, eh?

Portland, OR is also a place I have considered since it gets me that much closer to Seattle. And it looks cool. I have never been to Portland. And I know, like, one person who lives there and she's rad. Even though I haven't seen her since 7th grade.

But for serious. I need to be back home in Sea-town. I never imagined the journey would be so taxing or take so long. People tell me that if it's meant to be, it will happen without a hitch. But what about that saying that goes something like things that are worth it aren't easy?

Holy Nuggets, I'm Tired.

2009-11-20T00:08:00.008-06:00

That said, this post will be short and sweet - like me. Gag. Sorry. Tired, remember? So, I have a lot of reading to do. I need to finish the current series that I am on (Sookie Stackhouse, i.e. what True Blood was adapted from) and then I get to dive into these puppies brought by the BFF. She kinds rocks. Pretty much hardcore. And now I have to excuse myself in order to read 59 blog entries on my Google Reader and 248 tweets. I've been offline today, so I am behind on keeping in touch with the world. And then I am going to give into this sushi coma from a fabulous dinner with these three:Not to mention, I need to get started on those real books. Nighters!

This Is A True Story.

2009-11-18T23:28:00.009-06:00

It's been a day. A week. Month. Year, really. I'm an eternal optimist and a people pleaser, so my only bursts of angst usually come out in the form of a 140 character tweet, or in front of my immediate family (sorry, guys. really.). Today has been no exception. There were no crazy screaming sessions (I just don't DO that) and no external outbursts, but there was The Bagel Incident.Yes, that is a bagel, a juice glass of three month old white wine and some Ghirardelli chocolate chips. If I didn't currently cohabitate with the parentals, I would have a proper wine glass. But they don't drink. So, I have this. Classy. And eff you economy. Like I said, it's been a day. Week. Month. Year.

So, I am in the kitchen making this delicious bagel thinking to myself, ohhh bagel... I love you. Get in my belly... Then disaster strikes. I drop the bagel. I snatch it up off the floor within milliseconds, count 12345! super fast after picking it up (I know, right?) and then see a spider crawling off from where I dropped the bagel. I yell "UHHH!", Hulk Smash the spider with my flip flop adorned foot and look at the bagel in my hand. I think, oh God. This is so gross. This bagel fell on the FLOOR. And just may have landed on a SPIDER.

Then I begin to reason... It landed right side up. I can just not eat the bottom part. Everyone knows the top is the best anyway. But then all reason gets thown out the window. Screw It. I am eating this spider-floor bagel and washing it down with this generic, three week old wine. And I did.

I am so embarrassed.

Weird Ass Spam.

2009-11-17T15:36:00.013-06:00

This has to be the weirdest spam I have ever gotten in my life. I'm used to getting the penis enhancement ads, or the emails that have the perfect job for me ohmygoshclickherenow!! But this... this is pretty amazing:

Where do I begin. Wait, let me check and see if I've had enough coffee... oh you shut it. I've already admitted that I continue to drink coffee while nursing. Just don't tell my mom about all that Mountain Dew. She'd FLIP. So a few months ago, I'd say the morning we brought Marlo home, I told Jon that while I had enjoyed and would recommend having a natural childbirth, that I was in no way, under no circumstances, not ever, NUH UH, going to do it again. And that in order to make sure that the future played out in this exact way, he was going to have to hold up his end of the bargain. It was his turn. Dude needed to have a certain procedure taken care of, because I've heard that condoms and birth control are not one hundred percent effective, and you know what is? Say it with me conservative Christians: ABSTINENCE! Related tangent: I don't know if I have told you this story before, but in Los Angeles I had a very close friend who'd grown up in Valdosta, Georgia, and every summer she attended Bible School at a local Baptist church, and they'd hold rallies for Jesus that included one group of children screaming, "WHEN I SAY JESUS, YOU SAY JESUS. SAY, 'JESUS!'" And then another group of children across the room would scream, "JESUS!" Kind of like cheerleaders at a football game, except Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was the one passing the ball. I don't know why I love that chant, but I do, I LOVE IT, maybe because Mormons would never participate in something so blatantly irreverent. You just can't go tossing around the Lord's name like that, haven't you read the ten commandments? I think it's the one right after THOU SHALT NOT DRINK COFFEE. Oh, wait. Wrong book. Doesn't matter. All I know is I love shouting JESUS! Almost as much as I love shouting SHINGLES!

For serious. You can't make that shaneenee up.

I'm Doing This Tonight.

2009-11-16T23:45:00.003-06:00

Then I will be taking a Benadryl with hopes of falling asleep before 5am. And to all a goodnight!

What. A slacker!

2009-11-15T20:52:00.014-06:00

Wow. I am just now realizing that I completely, totally forgot to post a blog entry yesterday! What. Is wrong with me? Old age? Way too much excitement packed into my day? Something so utterly amazing that I was preoccupied all 24 hours yesterday? Not so much. I really have no excuse. Well, except maybe the old age thing is already coming into play...

Okay, so here's my exciting topic: British Food. I love it. It's gotten a bad rap in the past because I hear it used to be tasteless goo, but I wouldn't know. I only made my first trip across the pond last year about this time. And the food? IT WAS ACE! Didja catch my British slang? Yeah, I didn't pick that up there. I know a few Brits. And I copy.

Oh, and please forgive the quality of these photos as I didn't have nearly the same level of Photoshop skillz last year as I do now. Also, I wasn't using the phat Nikon D40 that I use a lot of the time these days. Ahhh, technology...

So, this amazing piece of fabulous Brit food... wasn't. The mushy peas were perfect and the fries were great, but that huge slab of amazing looking fish on the plate? The batter wasn't cooked through. As in, soupy shiznit on top of undercooked fish in the middle. I almost booted right there. But I managed to hold it together since the seats were packed on top of each other on the second floor of this really cool old pub and I would have spewed on someone else, for sure.
THIS on the other hand, was the perfect fish 'n chips plate. Again, really rad old pub in Trafalgar Square (where the lion statues were under construction much to my chagrin. Guess I will just have to make a trip back to sit on one soon then....)
You gotta have vinegar. You do. And UK vinegar is different than US vinegar - it's a lot milder. And gooder. Everything is gooder over there.
Britvic has crack in it. Of this, I am sure. I mean, look at my brother - he's in a Britvic coma! We had free reign of the Renaissance Chancery Court's club lounge 24/7 and let's just say that these babies were smuggled back to our room in every pocket we could manage to fit them in. A few of them even made it into our luggage.
The hotel desserty things were nothing to laugh at either. I think that cake with gold leaf on top was filled with a light peanut butter mousse and rocked my socks off. Literally, they came off.
Even St. Paul's Cathedral had good prepackaged sammiches in the crypt. Is that what you call it? It was the basement. There were bodies under there. It was spooky and rad. Mostly rad. And okay, maybe the sammiches were so good because we had just climbed up 530 stairs to the top of the dome and then trekked back down. I think Taylor was uber excited to eat the chutney that he picked out (see peace sign fingers), but then discovered it wasn't so great. Being a good sister, I offered half of mine and I picked the tomatoes off half of his and chomped through it. Like I said, we were starving!
Mmmmm... great pizza in Covent Garden. Even Hippo had to partake.
Totally had to have coffee at Windsor. It was a necessity. And I was bored waiting for the train. Nope, it wasn't as good as Seattle espresso. Sorry Windsor! :(
This was where a pancake stand stood earlier in the day and I am certain the pancakes sold here are nothing like American pancakes so I had to try one!!! By the time we got there... it was gone. BIG SAD FACE!!
What I am trying to relay here is that food in London is a delectable celebration in your mouth... Even the pigeons go ape.
In parting, I leave you with me faux sitting on a spire. Because what's funnier than someone mistakenly stabbing themselves in the arse? God, I miss my pink hair.

It's Friday the 13th.

2009-11-13T23:59:00.002-06:00

Ooh. Scary.

That is all. And a picture that I took a while ago, since I'm nice. :)

Ooh, Baby...

2009-11-12T23:36:00.010-06:00

Pumpkin bread! This is a pretty decent recipe passed on to me by a friend who has recently started her own foodie business she calls Nite Owl Personal Meal Service. She's based out of the Seattle area, so sucks to be you (and me) if you don't live in the Pacific Northwest!

Yeah, I'm crazy with that Hamilton Beach. So?Look at that chocolate river. Couldn't you just swim in it?It was that good.

things that make me stabby.

2009-11-11T14:38:00.016-06:00

I love TV. I do. In fact, I find it hard to function without it on at all times. But the thing I hate is this - how come sitcom characters can afford to live in a non-cardboard box in any major city across the continental United States and work as a waitperson at The Cheesecake Factory?

Job ads that look PERFECT! And then lead to a broken link. Or an offer for more information on the University of Phoenix.

The lack of cute underthings for girls who wear a D cup or above (thanks Emily for reminding me of that). I mean, really. Big boobs mean more fabric in which to showcase cute prints, designers. Are there even designers out there? I feel like there are just monkeys making these things.

Not being able to fall asleep, so you open up your laptop and start searching for ex-boyfriends on Google. 'Nuff said.

People not liking Christmas. I'm not talking about people not liking Christmas in November (I get it, I do.), but people not liking it at ALL. I really hate green and red together, so I decorate in silvers and blues and browns and aubergine... How can you not like Christmas?? Barring a Christmastime tragedy in your past, of course. Then I get it.

When you are getting a massive head start on your Christmas shopping and find these great items for way cheap and free shipping and you're all excited and.... the items you have selected are not qualified for free shipping at checkout. In fact, the shipping charges are 9 x the price of both items you have selected. Boo Amazon Prime. Boo.

You know what makes me un-stabby? Watching Glee and getting goosebumps every time someone breaks out into song. Especially this guy:Who doesn't love a super hot Jew with a mohawk? And no, I totally didn't just download the Glee: The Music, Volume 1 soundtrack. And I am definitely not singing along with a giant grin plastered on my face. I know. I'm such a girl.

wet dog.

2009-11-10T19:02:00.008-06:00

Winston smelled like squirrel. Goat. Crow. He needed a bath, so a bath he got! There are a few things that I know:
1. My dog looks like a pitiful little kid when wet.
B) He is uber cute.
and

III. He looks really special whilst shaking it off.

Grandpa.

2009-11-09T15:25:00.016-06:00

As a lot of you know (all two of you who read this blog), my grandpa passed away a few weeks ago. Even though we lived thousands of miles apart for most of my life, he played a major role in my life. You see, I lived thousands of miles away from ALL of my relatives. I never knew what it was like to spend the weekend at my grandparent's house or the joys of an extended family birthday party complete with aunts & uncles and cousins galore. Sure, I have a plethora of relatives, but they were never close enough geographically to share milestones with in person.

But I digress. My grandparents on my father's side were the only ones who would venture out on car trips from Colorado or Arizona or California to visit us up in Washington every once in a while to spend a week with us. I have fond memories of my grandparents falling asleep with their shoes kicked off on the sofas in our living room whilst completing their daily crossword puzzles. My grandma died on October 31, 1997 after a battle with ovarian cancer. My grandpa lived a full life (a month away from 91 is nothing to scoff at) until he suffered a random blackout resulting in a fall outside the grocery store. He spent a few days in the hospital until he passed away on October 19, 2009. His memorial service was scheduled for October 30. Odd coincidence, no? After my parents returned from the memorial in Colorado, my father told me that he saw a picture of my grandmother framed beside a poem. When he glanced over at my grandpa's organ, he saw a song by the same name open, ready to play. Even though it had been 12 years since my grandmother passed, he was still honoring her every day. That's love.

There are a lot of things that I remember about my grandpa. I remember running my hands back and forth over his crew cut as a toddler and calling it a brush haircut. I also remember him showing me how to use a hammer which I then proceeded to try and utilize on said brush haircut when his back was turned. Thank God for my mom who was in eagle-eye mode and shouted "NO!!!!" at the last moment. Every time he saw me, at age 2 or 20, he would crinkle his eyes and laugh his famous Grandpa laugh. I'll really miss that laugh.

He never forgot a birthday and sent a handmade card printed off his computer every year to each and every one of us. My dad told me that when he was growing up my grandpa went to all of his high school football games. Not because he was on the team (my dad is kind of a computer geek!), but because my dad was the team manager on the sidelines and was in the half-time marching band. He was so supportive and gentle and kind and even though I am sad to not have had the chance to know him as well as I wish I had... I cherish each and every memory. And I hope that his spirit will shine through me.

Songs and Smells.

2009-11-08T14:49:00.003-06:00

So, they say that one of the most powerful triggers of memory is scent. For me, at least, it's true. If I catch a whiff of cologne that a boyfriend wore a decade ago it either makes me stabby and want to vom, or it makes me smile and remember what I was doing at that time in my life. Cool Water, Navy and Love's Baby Soft all send me back to sniffing the pages of Seventeen magazine in Jr. High. Cigarette smoke used to remind me of my grandparents that I never got to see since they lived in Mississippi and I in Washington. It's all I really had to tie to them. Any time I smell the cool ocean breeze, I feel home again. Same goes for fresh mountain air and rain. Oh God, rain! What better scent is there than fresh rain soaked earth? Or even rain on the asphalt? It doesn't take much for me, people.

Music does it for me, too. Anything from the grunge era sends me straight back to Seattle and the protection of my youth. Every time I hear Smells Like Teen Spirit I remember sitting outside of Bartell's in my mom's baby blue Subaru station wagon (state car of Washington) and hearing it for the first time. It also transports me back to sitting outside of Costco in that same station wagon and hearing of Kurt's death years later. What is it with me sitting in the car?? Obviously, I need to revisit that... Early 2000's techno puts me right back in the Lizard Lounge writhing with all of the other hot, sweaty bodies on the dance floor. These are good memories.

What smells and sounds trigger memories for you?

...

2009-11-07T19:52:00.002-06:00

And this kind of evening.

Here We Go Again

2009-11-07T09:44:00.003-06:00

It's that kind of morning.

My Dog Has Nerd Teeth.

2009-11-06T23:59:00.002-06:00

I just thought you should know.

So, I heard...

2009-11-05T17:29:00.009-06:00

... that November is National Blog Posting Month or something. So, I guess I will attempt to blog more. On this site. I really like the tumblr. layout and color choices better though. Maybe I will swap back and forth between the two. Maybe I will fail National Blog Posting Month and forget to write completely! The latter seems most likely. But! It's also finally feeling like Not Summer here in these parts, so that means I am doing a lot of baking through Christmas! Yay Fall! Yay baking! This means that I will take pictures if I can before my treats get devoured! That sounded kinda wrong. Anyway, pictures fill up blog space, right?? Right! And to illustrate my point, here you go.

Mmmmmm... Oatmeal Butterscotch Walnut Cookies!
I didn't make these delicious Candy Apples - this chick's husband did! Aren't they uber pretty??
Nor did I really bite this fig. But, you know, whatever.

Go here.

2009-09-02T22:21:00.005-05:00

sojessica.tumblr.com
'Cause I like it better. At least for now. I can be fickle.

Not Ladybugs.

2009-08-31T01:21:00.005-05:00

So, first we had that sweet, little ladybug. Awww! A LADYbug!! How SWEET! But then we had this. Does he have a HORN coming out of his butt?? A stinger? A pokey thing???? GROSS!!!!I'm not a fan of buggy things. There were four of these juicy, squirty-looking caterpillary things on the moon flower vines on the patio. Ew. But at least they don't bite humans... And hopefully they will turn into these soon!It's kind of like the Where's Waldo of butterflies:
More pictures at my tumblr. site! Go! Now!

Please forgive me...

2009-08-27T00:13:00.003-05:00

...blogspot. I think I like tumblr better.
http://sojessica.tumblr.com

Ladybug.

2009-08-24T01:51:00.005-05:00

Sometimes things in Texas are cool. Like Ladybugs in the backyard. Thank God Texas has Ladybugs. Otherwise I just might not be okay with it all. **Click each picture to enlarge.**

31 is a Sick Year...

2009-08-21T00:31:00.002-05:00

...thus far.But you know me. I made the best out of the situation and crawled out of bed for flowers and Sprinkles. Warning: the following pictures of me whilst in a weakened, sickly state might prove too difficult to view for those with existing heart conditions or otherwise. Beware. It's scary.I warned you. Hope no one passed out.

Please...

2009-08-11T23:59:00.001-05:00

...Little Half A Pill. Let me sleep soon.

Who is my friend Terry, Alex!

2009-08-10T03:10:00.004-05:00

I have a friend who is taping Jeopardy this week! That's right, my friend Terry (the genius) is a contestant on the one and only, Alex Trebek hosted Jeopardy! His episodes won't be aired until the middleish of October (I can't wait that long!) and I'm positive he is going to sweep and make bank. He deserves it! Good Luck, Terry!

Cobbler Muffins.

2009-08-06T00:00:00.004-05:00

So, I made these cobbler cakes for a party. Let me be very clear: These are NOT blueberry muffins. These are amazing, buttery, sugary, little cobblers. We're talking a pound of butter went into this mix. A pound. I made people eat all of them at the party so I wouldn't be forced to take them home. They gladly obliged.Oh. Em. Gee. These are good. I spent the entire drive home from the party at 2am thinking about what I can substitute all of that butter with. I came up with a big, fat nothing. I don't think they'd be good without all of that artery clogging goodness.

Freakin' Sweet!

2009-07-28T23:59:00.001-05:00

So, today I got an email from a San Francisco guide that informed me that one of my pictures from The City is short listed for their August 2009 publication. Apparently, they just found it on my flickr account and voila! Short listed! How freaking rad is THAT?! Here's the picture:The set of 20 that I posted from that day can be found here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sojessica/sets/72157617919128098/

One Of Those Days.

2009-07-27T23:29:00.003-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and everything kinda sucks? Like you get in a fight with your mother over a piece of cod. For reals. Fish. And then you can't seem to say anything right to a friend. As in, you tell him he needs to quit talking about himself so much just like he asked you to when he gets like that, but then it hurts his feelings. And then you cry over it because the last thing you want to do is ever hurt anyone's feelings.And that damn cod is hanging over your head like an anvil waiting to drop. So instead you just explode tears of frustration and regret for even opening your mouth today. Yeah. Those days suck. Luckily, tomorrow is a new day and I have every reason to expect that it will be a great one. I can feel something wonderful brewing on the horizon.

Gus Gus, Get Better Please... :(

2009-07-20T21:03:00.003-05:00

Lao.

2009-07-12T19:52:00.005-05:00

Nicknamed Laod and Obnoxious. But so, so cute!! And I don't even really like cats. But he doesn't make me sneeze. So, I love him.

Oldies But Goodies.

2009-06-27T22:39:00.005-05:00

There really isn't anything more comforting than hanging out with old friends only to find that nothing feels different at all. Even after years and years of not talking to one another. They're like family. Really awesome family that you choose to be with instead of the family that you are forced to drive across the continental United States with in a station wagon one summer when you're twelve. And all you remember form the miserable trip was how you dad kept saying things like, "Imagine the buffalo on these plains grazing hundreds of years ago..." whilst driving through Wyoming and wanting to shoot yourself. I digress. Back to the point - old friends rock. Especially when they aren't just "old friends" anymore and they're back in your every day life. I love each and every one of them...

Girl's Night, aka Chicky Convention.

2009-06-25T23:16:00.007-05:00

Fabulous girl's night at Amy's house tonight. Girl food:

Ugly. Ass. Cake.

2009-06-23T15:55:00.004-05:00

One of the joys of living back at home is witnessing firsthand some of the things my dad does on a regular basis. For instance, he thought my mom would find this cake attractive, so he gifted it to her this evening for dessert. Awww, thanks for attempting to be cool, Dad!

Happy Father's Day, Dad... You're One In A Million.

2009-06-21T15:43:00.002-05:00

Whatchu Lookin' At, Willis?

2009-06-19T20:51:00.006-05:00

Periwinkle.

2009-06-18T23:59:00.002-05:00

Two Hot Messes.

2009-06-17T23:04:00.008-05:00

I Like Peanut M&Ms.

2009-06-16T23:48:00.002-05:00

Flood.

2009-06-15T22:22:00.010-05:00

I know. I have been busy and therefore slacking in the posting department. So, I give you... The Flood! Flood of shots, that is.

Sleep. It's What's For Dinner.

2009-06-12T23:30:00.006-05:00

Storms make Winston sleepy. Well, it's actually the puppy roofies I have to give him that make him sleepy. Poor guy...Yesterday, my mom had day surgery and was roofied, as well.

Spring Storms...

2009-06-10T22:51:00.004-05:00

You can always tell the Spring has officially arrived in North Texas when the tornado sirens start going off and the trees blow horizontal. Here are a few shots I managed to get once things calmed down and my camera wasn't in danger of getting waterlogged and/or blown away!

Dragons.

2009-06-09T23:50:00.003-05:00

sunday, june 7, 2009

2009-06-08T00:33:00.003-05:00

Happy Happy 18th Birthday, Taylor!!

saturday, june 6, 2009

2009-06-08T00:24:00.006-05:00

Good times with old friends never go out of style.

Just Paintin' My Nails.

2009-06-05T23:29:00.002-05:00

Happy Early 18th Birthday, Taylor!

2009-06-04T23:49:00.009-05:00

My brother has been wanting to ditch his hand-me-down, purple 1999 Hyundai for a new (to him) truck for months... My parents decided that his 18th birthday was a good enough time to get it for him. Well, it really just happened to coincide perfectly with a great deal from a local dealership! :)

Does someone want a new truck?

He was more than slightly surprised coming home from the pool...
I thought he was going to birth a cow right then and there in the driveway.He looks great in it! You can bet that at 19 MPG he's not going to be driving that to Oklahoma for his casino destination on his actual birthday this weekend!! We're all going to pile into the family sedan... Yeah, I will have my camera for that, as well. Good times.

Um, Sorry For Another Sky Picture...

2009-06-03T23:17:00.007-05:00

I guess my life has been pretty lame these past few days since all I have been shooting are random cloud formations.Actually, tonight was way not lame since I just returned from a movie with my awesome friend Trey. He was literally at the brink of death a few weeks ago (I saw him in ICU and he wasn't conscious, it was uber bad) and now he's back and better than before and even wanted to hang out with me! I should have gotten a photo of us. Or him. Or the freaking movie theatre, but I didn't. I was too excited to hang out with him!

Thunderstorms in the Morning...

2009-06-02T23:26:00.004-05:00

...Blue Skies in the Afternoon. Texas is random.

Winston Doing What He Does Best.

2009-06-01T17:45:00.002-05:00

It's 12:01AM.

2009-06-01T00:01:00.003-05:00

A Few Of My Favorite Forbi Things.

2009-05-30T22:39:00.010-05:00

This weekend I spent with the dogs of my good friends Amy & John. Over the years I have adopted a list of my favorite things at their house, but have never shared them before... Ooooh! You're being let in on a secret!!! I know. It's soooo exclusive, yes??

Yeah, dudes. That's an ice cream cone light.
Totally weird, totally awesome!
I've lusted after this piece for years...
The late, the great Cub Poppy Forbus.
Forever capturing her inquisitive and gentle nature.
As for non-inanimate objects, here's sweet Tuesday...
All she has to do is look at you with that goofy dog smile and it's over!
I leave you with the Hot Mess. Angus is the most spastic, random dog. And everyone knows my fondness for both... I just love him.

It's Friday, May 29th! The Blog Is Wrong!

2009-05-30T13:46:00.003-05:00

I swear! ;-)

Happy Birthday, Dad!

After Shopping For Four Hours...

2009-05-28T23:47:00.006-05:00

...this is pretty much how I feel after my two day diet of steady Benadryl and NyQuil. Dad, you better appreciate those birthday gifts!!! :)

Comfort Food

2009-05-27T15:42:00.005-05:00

For most of us, comfort food makes us feel better when we are under the weather. I am no exception. Much to my demise I often find myself ravenously hungry whilst ill instead of a person who feels so sick she can't eat. I have wished upon wish to be that person, but it never pans out. So, I made a childhood favorite for lunch. A peanut butter and banana sandwich drizzled lightly with honey. Ta-da!And of course, the ever-present food supervisor is on the scene.He's a good boy. He knows to stay away from my sammich! And of course I give in and give him a corner of the crust at the end. Good things come to those who wait!

Golden Moon Goodness

2009-05-26T23:35:00.001-05:00

Happy Memorial Day!

2009-05-25T19:09:00.000-05:00

BBQ!

2009-05-24T23:49:00.004-05:00

Holiday BBQs = fire! And fire scalded Peeps.

And dogs.

And forgetting that you brought a vat of potato salad until AFTER everyone had eaten. Yeah. I'm retarded.

Memorial Day = Potato Salad For The Masses

2009-05-23T23:04:00.004-05:00

With dill and sour cream! Yum.

Sneak.

2009-05-22T23:47:00.004-05:00

Nice flipped back ear, Winn.

This Was My Night. What Did You Do?

2009-05-21T23:48:00.004-05:00

What could be better than hanging out with an adorable toddler?

Wait. Did that say...Yeah, it most certainly did. That explains the look of confusion on her face.
Accident? Me thinks not, Baby Can Read!!!!!

I Give You... Frankenfoot.

2009-05-20T23:18:00.001-05:00

Waterfalls. Wonderfalls.

2009-05-19T16:14:00.004-05:00

Okay, so I was reading that water is a fantastic metabolic booster, right? I am going to attempt to drink 100 oz. of water a day. The thought alone makes me ill.

Risotto. It's What's For Dinner.

2009-05-18T20:13:00.001-05:00

I Just Like It.

2009-05-17T23:50:00.004-05:00

For some reason I really like this three year old green shirt. I don't really know why. I have only been to Austin the one time (I did really like it) and have no particular attachment to the place on the shirt or any experience whilst in that particular city. I just really like the shirt and wear it so much that I found a tiny hole toward the bottom the other day. This does not deter me from wearing it. Cracked white print and all.

Pretend it's still technically Saturday.

2009-05-17T01:03:00.004-05:00

Dude. My friend Michelle and I had a night. A night of hilarity and no less than four venue changes in about as many hours. This was the wrap up.

Winston-Pooper is 8 Today!

2009-05-15T14:52:00.003-05:00

Man, I Suck.

2009-05-14T15:56:00.005-05:00

Okay, so I guess the "posting every day" proclamation was a bit too ambitious for the likes of me. But I really am trying to, I swear! We had a new cable/interweb/digital phone install all day yesterday and then I had plans until after midnight last night, that's my excuse! So, I give you two shots. :)

Irony. And no, that mug was not filled with wussie Breakfast Blend. I had just destroyed the last of my Espresso and only had this weak bag to stand in for a prop.And a bonus Blue Heron at lovely Lake Lewisville. Really, it's a horror of a lake that seems to be the local death trap once the temp warms up and stupid people with no business being on a boat go out and get wasted and fall overboard. Or hit other boats/waterskiers. Water safety, people.

Gus Got Bitched Out.

2009-05-12T18:50:00.002-05:00

Love Your Mom!

2009-05-11T00:39:00.012-05:00

Okay, so technically it's Monday, but to me it's still Sunday night, so whatever. It was all about Mom today, so I give you a description of the dinner I made for her tonight. I was tired after making gourmet breakfast, lunch and dinner, so I just wanted to forego the photo and sit down! For those who want to know, the gastronomical treat consisted of panko and parmesan crusted tilapia with a tomato cream basil sauce, risotto with mushrooms and pine nuts, and asparagus in a clarified butter sauce. It was quite delectable if I do say so myself. :)

And now I give you today's photos... Even though she might be crazy:
She'll always be my beautiful Mommy. I love you, Mom!

Photo #2

2009-05-09T17:38:00.004-05:00

So, I'm cheating a little and am putting up a photo from San Francisco that I took at the end of March. I can't help it... A cute toddler chasing a pigeon in Ghirardelli Square? C'mon. I had no choice.

A Picture A Day Keeps The Boredom Away?

2009-05-08T20:05:00.004-05:00

So, I'm thinking of posting a picture a day on here. Just whatever picture I take during the day and slapping it on here. Probably without explanation. Unless it needs one. And since I can't seem to ever shut up (even on here), there will probably be an explanation. I just don't want anyone getting their hopes up...

So, I give you Photo #1. Sans commentary. Suck on that.

This does not suck.

2009-04-27T15:07:00.003-05:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I hate frozen dinners. And since I don't eat meat, there isn't much to choose from... I would like to make an announcement. I just ate this:
...and it does NOT suck!! In fact, because of the veggieness and all-naturally-ness, I am going to sample some other entrees from the people at Healthy Choice. I never thought I'd say that.

California Dreamin'

2009-04-25T23:25:00.030-05:00

Yes folks, I have fallen in love with the state of my birth! Er, my birth state of California, that is... After spending a week with the BFF in Silicon Valley, I realized that maybe I am not just a Seattle girl, but a straight up bonafide West Coaster. I was born in SoCal, actually, but regardless I had a blast in NoCal and am seriously contemplating a geographical change in the next few months. Like, a permanent one people.
Everyone and their grandmother knows that I am not a Texan. I don't pretend to like living here, but I *try* to not be an ass about it. I know a lot of people who LOVE Texas!! Yay them!! It's just not me, so the possibility of the fabulous economy here in the US making job hunting really, uber retarded for me makes a move that much easier. As stupid as this sounds, I have no problem taking a job at a bookstore, a coffee shop, or the aquarium gift shop in California. Here? Not so much. Sadly, it's a pride thing and I admit it. What if someone I haven't seen since my heyday as a big, important (scoff!) manager at my old IT firm comes in to Half Price Books and sees me stocking the shelves? What if that person happens to be Tan Ex-Boyfriend who is doing very well and is also toting his wife and 2.5 children to gawk at me and point whilst I redden in shame? Or what if said person is Cheating Ex-Boss who fired me for an alleged gossip train that I had no part of? Or what if it's... Skanky Ex-BFF who drives nothing less than the latest luxury SUV and wears more diamonds than Beyonce? GASP! Nooooo!!!! The horror!!!!!!!!

So, you see, it's a pride thing. And I am not proud of that. It's also a cultural thing. For some reason, in places other than Dallas, it's okay to be 30 years old, working in a shop, being all single-like, and still be a respectable human being! You're not looked down upon or chastised and it's totally chill! You can even live with some awesome friends free of charge (save some dish washing and garden help) because they are so much teh awesome and genuinely want to help a chick get back on her feet and get the heck out of a place she's been whining about for over 10 years! To quote Liz Lemon: I want to go to there.

And this is there... Enjoy!

There are 12 million different fruit trees in BFF's backyard. Okay, maybe more like a dozen or two, but dude. An orchard nonetheless!!

Also in the backyard... Well, the neighbor's backyard, but same diff.
These are two of the lovely animals I would be sharing a humble abode with... Achoo & Snork (aka Kipper & Polly). Oh, yeah and the BFF and her Hubs as well, of course!Hiking in the mountains (yeah, I said it) in a nutshell:
Dork. Stick.
I climb rocks!
E-Snazz climbs bigger rocks...
Look Ma! I'm in nature and not screaming and flailing!
Overlooking my Kingdom.

Monterey in a nutshell:

Dirty Sea Captain!

Oh, the plight of the lone gull. I'm naming this one Charlie.

Jellies are my favorite. At least when enclosed behind glass.
San Francisco in a nutshell:
Look Ma! I'm taking public transportation! CalTrain rocks!
Bay Bridge
Golden Gate Bridge
Alcatraz This is what a $20 tuna melt looks like...
The sourdough was almost worth it.
Good Friends.

I miss it already...

Carnies, Freaks and Texans. Need I Say More?

2008-11-14T14:12:00.024-06:00

These are some shots using my not-as-cool-as-the-Nikon-D40-Casio-Exlim-pocket-rocket from the sticky, icky, fabulous State Fair of Texas 2008.

These people scare me...

Big Tex scares me.

Spot the alien goat. He will eat your face.

Fair food is...gross. Fried Cheese Curds? Seriously?

What, exactly, makes a banana crazy? And how can I get one?

Allie knows how to do fair food. In style. Rock that Corny Dog, Toddler!And what is the fair without sand sculpture. The fair is so weird.

Carousels, however, are amazing...

Goodnight Dallas!

Turning 30 is... Fun!

2008-11-13T15:54:00.024-06:00

Okay, I have been slacking on here in a major way. Let's just say I have had other things going on in my life and now I am ready to catch everyone up! Here we go...
I turned the dreaded 30 on August 21st and had a crazy bash at the Nylo (a boutique hotel in Plano) to celebrate!

There were drinks with cousins and friends!

There was pool!

There were egg-shaped swinging chairs!

And Square-O shaped chairs! This place likes chairs...

Even the elusive Taylor came out to celebrate!

A portion of the Original Plano Gangstas... Or something like that.

Crystal is not a Plano Gangsta, but I like this picture, so it stays!

It was a fantastic array of family and friends that made my 30th year a truly joyous event! After the party in our reserved area in the bar... ...we retired to the room upstairs for some amazing(ly silly) photo ops. These are just from my camera. I think there were a total of three snapping away at our ridiculousness in the room...but only the stupidest ones of me & Michelle made it to this page for your enjoyment since we share the type of bond after being BFFs for an insane amount of time! I will leave it to you, dear reader, to caption.
What happened after this was me making my brother take me to the Taco Bell drive-thru for a bean burrito since I hadn't eaten anything all night. Oops! And then I think we watch TV in the room and he bailed as soon as he could. Thanks Tay!

Fin.

D.C. is Stick.Y.

2008-07-21T20:16:00.051-05:00

Okay Kids, I know everyone and their mother (mine included) has been chomping at the bit to hear allll about my Washington DC trip. The truth is that I am finally getting out of the travel/heat/no thyroid meds fog this evening! I am a total loser, I know. :)

So, I found something out about DC. It's humid. We're talking more humid than any place I have ever been on this earth and I have been a few places... I thought I might die. That said, I have very few pictures of my trip because my brain malfunctioned and I didn't think to take any pictures. Basically I was just trying not to stroke out and I was having a really good time just being with AJ, so... sorry for the lack of documentation! I won't do it again! I promise.

I flew into Dulles around 8:30pm on Friday night. It's a confusing airport. It kind of reminded me of Frankfurt because of the shuttles from gate to the main building. It also smelled like fried clams. For reals.

So, me being me, I was stressed out about not finding AJ in the airport and not recognizing him or something. Everyone (including him) kept pointing out to me that that's what cell phones are for, but I was still being retarded. Luckily, we found each other pretty easily and the adventure began!

We parked his car at a "Kiss & Ride" which is like a park and ride, but just sounds sweeter! I guess it's because Virgina Is For Lovers. ;-)
Thus began my love affair with the Metro. In all honesty, we spent the majority of our time riding the Metro and I cannot express how amazing it truly was.

The Metro tickets had freaking adorable pandas on them, for goodness sake!
The kiosks were intimidating, though. I'm glad he knew what he was doing! I was just staring at them wishing I was somewhere else that didn't have a bunch of numbers associated with it... Ohhh and the escalators that were actually working in the first station sounded like elephants having violent bush sex. At first I thought it was a drunken homeless person playing the sax for money, but nope... it was the escalators! We would soon grow to love them, as well.
There were constant conversations that were so bizarre and humorous between passengers that I was in heaven! There was even one time when we were caught between an uber gay teenager and his girl friend having a random convo about geometry and a non-underarm shaving preppy chick talking to someone about the UFO's coming every hundred years on her celly. It was so fabulous, I cannot even tell you. The highlight of the Metro on the first night was AssMan. Imagine a packed train where vertically challenged me had to stand on my tippy toes to hold onto a rail and a dude about 7 feet tall was standing directly in front of me. Now imagine the train pitching forward at every stop. Firstly, my face was located in AssMan's armpit. Secondly, his back was to me, so every time the train moved (or didn't) he felt it necessary to bend his rather round bootay into me. And into AJ. I was laughing so hard. I might have caught something, but it was still pretty funny. I thought AJ might deck him! But he didn't.

The second night on the Metro had the best people watching of all! I give you... Goldilocks!

All I could look at were Goldi's hairless, pink little knees! AJ was convinced that someone drugged him, dressed him up and shoved him on a train. I said that he was just out on a Saturday night. Or we were being Punk'd. We kept saying how he/she looked like someone from TV. I thought maybe Kids In The Hall? Once I got home and showed Taylor, we both jogged each other's memories and yelled "KELLY!" at the same time. What do you think? Is shim, Shoes Kelly from the interwebs?
So, anyway after a long train ride to Dupont Cirlce and a long confusing trek up and down the streets of gang ridden Washington DC (just kidding Dad!) we found our hotel and I was soooo happy to get in a cold shower! Have I mentioned how hot and humid DC is? I looked like a wet ferret for the majority of our trip, yet another reason to not be so eager for the photo ops.
See those escalators that look as if they're set to deliver you to the pits of hell? Yeah, those were broken half the time. Hence, the reason I couldn't walk until today. The neighborhood was really cute. I had no idea, but apparently it's also the yuppie gay district much to the delight of AJ. Hahaha!!
This is the outside of our hotel... It was really cool with white Christmas lights swirling halfway up the tree trunks in the front at night. No picture, sorry. I suck.
And this is what our room looked like! I totally ganked these from the internet, so it's not totally the same room, but close enough!
Another cool thing about the hotel was that they provide these insanely gay bath robes for each guest. We opened the closet and found a smaller, shorter leopard print (mine!) and a ginormous giraffe print (his!). I liked wearing the ginormous giraffe the best. Too bad I didn't think to get pictures in them! What a tard!! Oh, wait... I do have a picture or two... This is the wet ferret straight out of the shower.
And since someone thought he was being so coy in snapping a shot of me... I tried to get one of him in the robe since he's so cute, but he was too fast!
And then there was the "Haha! You totally couldn't get a shot of me! I am so Ninja! Bwhahaha... hey!"
That's right. I, too, am a Ninja.

Sunday morning, while in the shower starving to death, I finally had the brilliant idea of eating in the hotel restaurant, Firefly. Like, duh. We'd been trying to find places to eat all weekend since the city closes at 10pm and didn't think to eat downstairs once! Heat. Humidity. Not good for Jess. The restaurant was greatness though. And since I have been called "Firefly" in the past, it was doubly cool. :)

_________________________________________________

This is Washington DC in a nutshell:
We didn't actually get to see any of those landmarks because it was so hot, we were so tired and so lost. BUT we did go to the SAAM (Smithsonian American Art Museum)!
This was the only picture I took in the museum because it's just funny. And if you don't think so, you're not my friend.
There were grates all over the freaking sidewalks. It was a little scary... But I kinda want to be there in a skirt in the winter, so I can be Marilyn Monroe...
We went to lunch at a sammich shop and I saw the greatest sight in DC! Out of nowhere two cop cars and a black and a tan SUV parked in the middle of the in front of us and a bunch of suits piled out and rushed into a building across the street! SECRET SERVICE!!! I have no idea what they were doing and it kills me that I will never know... But it was cool, and again, I wish I had taken a picture or something! Jeez!
I guess I will just have to go back in the winter!

Emily's Birthday Bash at Brut!

2008-07-06T16:05:00.021-05:00

Emily turned 30! Well, she will be 30 on Monday, but who has a champagne party on a Monday night? Here are the highlights. And highlights they are.

I saw this flask and had to get it for her. It just said "Emily". Actually, it said, "Old Enough To Know Better... Too Young To Give A Rat's Ass". Word.

Everyone drank champagne and then drank some more! It was tres bon!

Rishi & I weren't ready for this picture and Emily said we looked pissed off. So, then we had to show her what pissed off really looks like!! Haha!
Apparently I was proving a point. Of what, no one remembers.

Emily really liked the flask. So much, that she began her infamous Emily-Shots with my camera. You can totally gage the sobriety levels as these go on...

Caroline & Emily

Emily & SteveDuc & Emily

Me & Emily - You can start to see the decline, can't you?Emily & Kris - Going...

Emily & Me again - ...gooooo-ing...

Emily & Melissa - GONE!

And then there was a turkey.

And a face-lick!Everyone had to pose with the flask. I mean, it's obviously going to be the next trend.
We rounded out the evening with a failed, er field, sobriety test!

The End.

Fourth of July Festivities

2008-07-06T14:45:00.022-05:00

So, Emily invited me to a 4th of July party and I dragged my brother along. He was bored to tears. Poor Emo/Scene/Hardcore/WTF'ever kid he is now.... He was pouting the whole time because I wouldn't let him drink. But then in the car on the way home he said, "I wouldn't have been doing anything anyway because I'm not cool enough to be invited to any parties." I almost cried. then I offered suggestions on making new friends. Who knows if any of that absorbed.

Pouty McPoutster himself...

It rained the perfect storm just as we arrived and had to get out of the car.

Emily bought glow bracelets, so we got to work immediately. It was a great throwback to the days at Skate King and the Lizard Lounge. We rave.

Emily made necklaces. Pretty necklaces.

This adorable little guy learned how to pump the keg and take a lot of pictures! What an education for a 5 year old! Samples of his mad skillz below:

I have no idea what I was doing with my face, but here's proof Tay smiled at least once that night.

I smiled too. Shocking.

Eventually there were actual fireworks... Totally cool. Totally sporadic. Totally 4th of July!

Back In The Day

2008-07-05T13:47:00.011-05:00

Shout out to Michelle for forwarding me these pictures of my debauchery a few years back. These are mucho embarassado. Yipes.

Michelle, James (Popeye) & Me at the Groovy Mule in Denton to see our favorite local band, Edgewater, perform for the 639th time. That year.

This is Jesse. He's in bands. He also does really annoying Andrew Dice Clay impressions. But he's a great guy and has a heart of gold, so we all let it slide. We all love Jesse. Gah. Note the early 2000's choker that I'm sporting here. So stylish.

Okay, wtf? Like really. WTF? The hair. The ciggy. The FACE for God's sake! Wow. Speechless. Thank God I gave all of that up! Yep. I gave up that face, too.

Oh gawd. The angst of my early 20's. This was taken in Michelle's parent's kitchen. We hung out at the house most of the time either before or after hittin' da clubs in Deep Ellum. Check out the enormous black platform loafers at the ready.

This is proof that I mastered the self-portrait waaaaay before MySpace hit the scene!

I Have No Idea What I'm Doing...

2008-07-05T13:43:00.003-05:00

...but I am attempting to start a blog. Disclaimer: I am inconsistent, sporadic, random, a little spazzy and a lot retarded. Hopefully I won't induce any seizures or vegetative states. Here we go... :)